It seems that everywhere I go I see my fellow golden agers with their noses buried in their IPads or similar slab shaped inventions of delight and misinformation.

In order to better help you I have compiled a list of common computer terms. After reviewing this list, if you’re still confused, ask your 4-year-old great grandson. He’ll be able to help you.

Search Engine — These are various programs that allow you to search for specific keywords. You can type in something and you will be inundated with about 2 million responses to your question about half of which will be right. Common search engines are Google, Bing and Yahoo.

Reboot — Every once in a while your computer can get kind of confused, like grandpa when three people are talking to him at once. My Apple guy taught me this one clever little trick. If your computer seems to be running slow, turn it all the way off, wait a minute or two and then turn it back on. This can get rid of various programs running in the background and can actually make your computer run faster. There is no similar program to help grandpa though. Also to reboot does not refer to kicking the computer twice.

Virus (noun) — A program or a piece of code that is loaded onto your computer without your knowledge (via a document or a program). It can cause unexpected or damaging effects, such as corrupting the system software or destroying data. Covid is also some kind of virus but to date has not been known to affect a computer.

Password (noun) — A secret set of characters or words used to gain access to a computer, web page, network, or file. You can use a combination of letters (upper case and lower case), numbers and other characters. A strong password should be hard to guess. It’s best to use the first letters of your children’s names, the age at which your puppy got colic and the number of toes on Andy Griffith’s left foot. (Hint 5)

Never share your password with anyone especially since you can’t remember it anyway.

Algorithm — This is one of the coolest (some would say worst) features of an internet search engine. Basically stated if you show interest in a particular video or other information the computer will keep sending you that same kind of content. One of their goals is to keep you on-line for as long as possible and exposed to as much advertising content as they can squeeze in. Say you search YouTube for left-handed tree frogs of the Amazon. The first video to come up will be the most popular. You will then be inundated with similar videos all asking you to like and subscribe. Beware of special 2 for 1 offers on tree frogs. I have a lot of extra frogs and I’ll send you some if you really need any.

Email Scams — Seriously, and I seldom am, there are a few scams going around on the computer focused on scamming the elderly. If anyone contacts you claiming to be your niece, nephew or second cousin and they need money to get out of jail, a foreign country or Tennessee, just ignore them. Never send anyone gift cards or wire transfers of money. Your email address is all over the internet and its not hard to get ahold of you. There are whole buildings in India, North Korea and South Bend that have teams of people dedicated to separating you from your money.

If someone contacts you saying they are from the IRS or Department of Homeland Security and they need your help scamming some offshore crooks, tell them you’re busy. Rule of thumb is if you don’t recognize the email address of the person contacting you, don’t reply. It’s probably a scam. I have been personally contacted by bogus accounts from Google, Paypal and even Microsoft. Best not to even open the email up. If you get contacted by your brother-in-law looking for money to rescue his pet chicken, well he probably has another one or two anyway.

Finally anything and everything that you put out on the internet can be seen by lots of different people, many of whom do not have your best interests in mind. Watch what you send out, it may come back to haunt you.

Send comments to profotoguy@hotmail.com.