OKEECHOBEE — When we hear a friend has breast cancer, we are always concerned, and most people want to help. The question though, is what the best way is to help.

Any time someone is sick or experiences a loss, our first instinct is to say things like, “I will pray for you,” or “Our thoughts and prayers are with you,” or even, “let me know if I can do anything for you.”

While there is nothing wrong with these statements, Healthline advises going a step farther. Instead of a general, “Let me know how I can help,” ask the person what night you can deliver supper. Maybe she has a dog. Tell her you want to come walk the dog for her and ask what time you should be there.

Give her gift cards for local restaurants so she does not feel pressured to cook. If she has young children, ask her if you can babysit so she can take a nap. If her treatments are out of town, ask her if she wants company or a ride. Give her gas cards to help with that expense.

As they put it on Healthline, “if you know someone with cancer, avoid asking how you can help. Tell them how you plan to. Try not to put the burden of asking for help on the person who needs it.”

One woman said when her friend had breast cancer, she dropped off a basket of her friend’s favorites and included ginger cookies and ginger ale to help combat nausea. Another said she knitted hats and scarves for a close friend as she was losing her hair.

A survivor said her favorite gift was from a friend who picked up her friend’s preschoolers one day a week for months. She took the kids to the playground, fed them lunch and brought them home for naptime. “It was such a relief to know I could count on that morning to myself every week.”

Breastcancernow.org offers these suggestions for helping a friend through breast cancer:

• Doing a food shop
• Cleaning and vacuuming
• Clothes washing and ironing
• Gardening
• Dog walking
• Cooking meals for freezing
• Providing transport to and from hospital appointments
• Coming into hospital appointments to take notes or ask questions
• Taking children to or from school
• Babysitting
• Helping with personal or domestic admin, for example benefits applications or insurance renewals

Something many do not realize is that when a friend is struggling, it is not up to you to fix everything. Sometimes, all you need to do is listen.  Breastcancer.org advises: “It’s natural to want to “fix” things when someone you care about is upset. But often just being there to listen and acknowledge their feelings is the most helpful thing you can do. Try to resist the temptation to offer advice, suggest practical solutions or encourage them to be positive.”

Finally, be prepared for a range of emotions. Your friend may be sad or angry and might say hurtful things. Try to take this with a grain of salt, and remember, they are not angry at you. They are angry at cancer.